I heard God whisper two simple words, but they devastated my soul.
“Scrap it.”
What? Are you serious?
Lord, I have poured my heart into this for several years now, in-and-out of traumas and tragedies, and You are all throughout this book. But I know what I heard, so I had to stop, pray, and cry. That’s where the conviction comes. Not condemnation, because Christ will never condemn you, but conviction. I had to look deep into the question that the Holy Spirit whispered to my heart.
God’s gentle whisper came again … “You may have written of Me all through it, but am I truly in it?”
When I searched my heart, what I saw all throughout my book made my heart sink. The book that I created and am only 10,000 words away from finishing. I saw a story. I saw a testimony. I saw Scriptures and references to God and the love of my faith. But I did not see Jesus, I saw Debbie. All throughout the words and the pages and the chapters and the title; I saw Debbie.
God wants people to see Him, not me. I am to glorify Him with my gifts, not create my own agenda with them. So as much as it makes me want to throw a fit–as much as it makes me want to throw my hands up and cry–it’s back to the drawing board. All God has given me is a title, but I am confident He will show me the next steps. This new genre and title will be my first publication, instead of the dream I had created on my own.
Up until my retreat experience last weekend I had no idea how much I have been inside myself. God is showing me how to live outside myself, in a way I never have before. To see others, to see Him, and to shrink back a bit into the shadows. I am discovering an entirely new level of observing, caring, giving, and serving. A work was done in me at over a special weekend. I can honestly say I have not been the same since those two days away at that grand castle with my sisters. My emotions, my thoughts, my behavior and my joy. They are so much more bold and powerful and purposeful than they were before.
I can sense and hear God speaking. Something happens every time I worship. Something happens every time I pray. And today I heard him nudging my heart as I was driving down the street. I was going to get a coffee and I heard the Lord whisper those special words that will change all I had worked toward. Then He gave me four more words. The words were the title to the book He wants me to write, and I knew it instantly. I don’t have an outline, I don’t have chapters, I don’t have anything like I did with the other book I built myself. But I have faith and I have trust that He is going to guide me every step of the way, because this is what He wants me to bring to the world, not what I had designed and wanted people to read.
So I’m obeying without even knowing the next step or how well this will be received, but the only thing that matters to me is I’m being obedient to God and the words that flow into the book that He purposes. It will no doubt reach out and touch more hearts than anything I could write in my own power.
So I surrender, and here we go from scratch…
Starting spot:
Chapter One
Page One
Word One
Take it from there, Jesus.
Bloom In The Bible 